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| Vacationis ok so far. Only been working and trying to find a full
time job at the same time. Other than that, just been hanging out with
some ppl. Only thing that sucks so far is that i got
tonsillitis! Which means i cant really eat or drink and it hurts
like hell! hopefully it will go away soon cuz i dont know how i
am going to survive drinking water only. well hopefully this
means i will lose some weight. hehehe. Okay enough for now...my thoart
is bothering me again. Have a great summer everyone!
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| Finals are here and it might just be my last set of finals ever in my
life! Kinda worried about my chinese class. If I don't do
well in that in that class I might not be able to graduate.
*sigh* very very stressed about it. My parents would kill
me if i don't graduate or i might just kill myself first before they
get to me!!
I feel so confused about what I want to do with my life. No idea
where my life is heading towards besides moving home. There
goes my freedon and privacy in which i cherish so much. Hopefully
everything will come to be as I go along.
On a side note, I feel extremely confused. Besides not knowing
what I want to do with my life, I'm not sure what's going on right now
as well. At times like this I wish there was that someone special
that would be there for me. Someone I could just call up to say
hi or just to say i want a hug and he would come right over to comfort
me. I'm not the type to be all clingy but sometimes it's nice to have
someone be there to comfort you in that way. Sometimes I
think I have found that person, but then that person would lead me to
think otherwise. I thought I knew how I felt and sometimes I
still do but then I don't know if its going anywhere. Do i want
to pursue something that potentially isn't going anywhere? But
then again, like Cor's blog, sometimes you just have to take risks even
if it means getting hurt. In the end, I still don't really know
what I want to do, but I think I will take Cor's advise and just take
the risk becuase if I don't, I know I will always wonder "what if"
which would just complicate my life even more.
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| i feel like crying the rest of the night away again :(
sometimes i wonder if you even care......
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| borrowed this from everett...or EV whatever he wants to be
called. Thought this was kinda true and what most girls would
want including myself...i dont know if i have found it yet but
hopefully soon...no hurry...still young:)
"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back
when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the boy who kisses your forhead, who wants to show you off to
the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of
his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. Wait
for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about
you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his
friends and says, "...that's her"
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| So lately I have been feeling pretty good and happy with the way things
are turning out for my last quarter in Davis. BUT at the same
time i feel really disappointed. there are people that I have met
this past year in which I was really glad and happy that I have
met. I really cared for them as friends and I thought they would
be just as good of a friend. I could call them up whenever
without feeling like I am bothering them and its usually just to say hi
or ask if they want to grab lunch. I missed talking to them,
hanging out with them or just plain sitting there watching tv or even
just knitting...but now i feel like i dont know them anymore. so
much as change but i feel like it hasnt at the same time. i asked
myself whether it is me and maybe my views have changed but then i
talked to other ppl and they say they feel the same way...so it cant be
me....which means its them. I feel so disappointed in them and at
the same time i still care for them. i wish them the best even though i
know i will never be able to just call them up randomly anymore and
hang out or whatever. i will always cherish those times
especially since i know once i graduate we probably won't really keep
in touch. i would love to keep in touch but its entirely up to
them. in a way i want to tell them how i feel and how much they
have changed and how much they have disappointed some of us. well
i shouldn't say disappointed...that word seem so harsh. not that
we had expectations or anything...but simply the ppl we knew them to be
is not who they are now and the old them is the ones we miss....i know
deep down inside they are still the same ppl and same personality but
its the way they bring it out. i hope in the end they will not be
sorry because they will in the end lose all their good friends....who
knows...maybe they have met better friends or something and we are just
yesterday's leftovers or we no longer interest them...whatever the
reason may be, i hope they will not regret what they did or if they do
i hope they will change soon. if not then by the time they do
realize it, it may be too late and the ones that did care for them and
cherish them will be gone.....
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